Maria's Cafe..Superb African Burger and Huevos Rancheros!

1113 E Franklin Ave. Minneapolis, MN 55404

I ate here often when I was working construction across the street on "Roger Beck Florist," which is an amazing building you must walk across the street and check out after your delicious meal at Maria's..
The first time I had an "South African Burger," was at Maria's and I haven't had a better one since. The South African Burger is normal burger patty with cheese, bacon, BBQ sauce and a pineapple ring and it is my favorite burger of all time..easily, and Maria's makes a mean one.
Elsewhere, most call it a Hawaiian burger, but the first time I had ever heard of one was after eating it at Maria's so I am very thankful for that experience.
Besides that burger I have tried a number of other items and it has all been really, really good. Everyone that I have ever eaten there with has raved about it, and if you dine there you will be hearing similar praise as you eat.
It is always packed, but there is a reason!

Where oh Where have you gone My Dear Schlotzsky's?

Oh, the days of ole (1999) when I would pass by Schlotzsky's Deli in Woodbury and order myself a super sized sandwich packed with deliciousness of epic proportions.

With each bite, my heart would flutter, my legs would quiver, and my taste bud's would fly towards the heavens..This was the feeling a Schlotzsky's Deli Sandwich would evoke with each bite..  Such a proprietary taste I guess is not for everyone, and she soon closed down, as did a little piece of my taste bud's heart..

Absence indeed makes the heart grow fonder; a Schlotzsky's Deli Sandwich is surely proof of that..

Well meet again, I know we will.

The Bungalow - Like Food Poisoning?

1151 Rivercrest Rd. N. Lakeland, MN

I haven't gone to "The Bung" (what it should be renamed) for many years, and there is a legitimate reason why..

The last time I went there was a few years when back I ordered a grilled chicken salad; as did my older brother.  We were the only two in a table of about twelve people that ordered the grilled chicken salad, and also the only two that got violently ill for the next two days.  So you do the common sense math.

Shortly after we had gotten sick, we cataloged our food consumption for the previous day to see if we had eaten anything similar besides the grilled chicken salad and we had not, so it was pretty easy to narrow down the culprit.

Let me say I have had food poisoning a few other times in my life, but only two are indelibly etched in my stomach and taste bud's traumatic memory bank..  Once from a single McDonald's hamburger in 8th grade that turned my face green, and another from a "grilled" (I don't think the meat was ever cooked in hindsight) chicken salad from "The Bung."

Unfortunately, I remember that fateful day at "The Bung" many years ago as if it were yesterday and I will retell the story despite my traumatized tasty bud's plea to forget it ever happened..

The extended family was in from out of town, and we had gathered at "The Bungalow," (as it was respectably known at that point in time.)  We had a large table and the place was bustling.  The familiar clink of wine glasses was heard every few seconds, the bar was talkative and happy, and the staff were attentive.  The ambiance was fine, as was the waft of food that passed by every now and then from a plate of food that was hurriedly brought to a nearby table.  After we had chatted and ordered some drinks, we placed our food order.  I don't remember the circumstances, but for some reason I ordered the grilled chicken salad; as did my brother.  We waited the requisite time for the food to arrive and when it did I hungrily dug into my plate, but.. I immediately noticed with the first bite of the chicken that it was colder than it ought to have been.  Being a gullible eater, I assumed that the chicken had all ready been cooked, and maybe it was refrigerated after the fact just for the salad..  But at the same time I hoped that the chicken would have been freshly cooked to order and then put on the salad.  In hindsight, I stupidly trusted that they were practicing responsible food safety practices in the kitchen, and ignored my paranoid instincts.  I ate only a few bites of this chicken, (as it was not tasty at all-or warm,) and then pushed the rest of the cool chicken off to the side, and ate all of the greens, ignoring the bland chicken on the side of the plate.  Looking back, had I ate all that chicken I would probably have been in a coma.  At least if I go by the logic that if I only ate half the chicken and felt half dead, then surely if I had ate all of it, I would have been fully dead; or at least close to it.

As I remember, my brother ate most of his chicken on his plate, (if not all) and he was sick for a few more hours than myself, if not a full day.  But keep in mind he is jokingly known for having the stomach of a billy goat, and could probably drink water from a Tanzanian feet washing puddle and not get sick.  In fact just two months ago, up at the Gorka cabin, he was eating slabs of raw caribou meat because he couldn't wait for the fondue pot to heat it properly, (or maybe he can't tell the difference between raw and cooked meat.)  Whatever the case, the fact that he got violently sick and was crying for Mama is a testament to how bad the food poisoning was.

I won't go through the horrific details of what we both experienced during those many painful hours that followed shortly after eating at "The Bung," but if you were take all the worst stories of food poisoning you have ever heard or suffered yourself and multiplied that by 12 pieces of salmonella chicken you may have an idea of the agonizing pain we suffered through.

I had forgotten all about "The Bung," for a few years now, assuming it had been shut down, but after driving by it last Sunday with a few friends, one mentioned how sick he had gotten from eating there, and we went into a mutual discussion of how disgusting the place is.  He went on to say that he knows many that have gotten sick there as well.

If your one of them, speak up.

Perkins Stillwater - The Worst Service of My Life.

You'll have to ignore the review below.  It was born of memory and not recent experience.  Here goes.

I went in here last Sunday with my brother, his girlfriend, and my best buddy.  We knew it would be busy, and it might take a while to get our food, so that was expected.  What wasn't expected was the saddest serving experience I have ever been witness to in all of my food life.

After we were shown to our seats, we waited the regular time to get our menu's and place our drink orders, and did receive our respective coffee's, waters, etc. in an respectable time.

However, everything went to shit after that.

When our drinks arrived, one member of our party had left to use the restroom.  I specifically told the waitress that we were ready to order, and if she could come back in 30 seconds we would order quickly..  10-15 minutes passed, and I am not making this up for dramatization.
No less than 10 minutes (and I am being generous here) passed before our waitress finally arrived again.  During the last 5 minutes of this 10-15 minute wait, I had a bad feeling, and suggested we just go to Oasis Cafe, where the pancakes aren't as good, but the service is 10x better-literally.  Hindsight being 20-20, we made a very poor decision and stayed.  As we placed out order with the errant (and very blonde) waitress, (who's all ready half filled head seemed to be elsewhere) I had the sneaking suspicion her ability to bring the food out warm would be as equally skillful as her time management skills proved to not be when she took our food order.  My instincts were spot on as anywhere from 30-60 minutes passed before our "food" finally arrived.  I say 30-60 minutes as an estimate, because at this point I had lost all sense of time due to malnutrition and thirst deprivation, as in all this time NONE of our drinks had been refilled.  It could have been a week for all I know.  In fact in all time, the waitress never even stopped by our table to ask how things are.  Rather, before our food arrived, the last time we had seen her anywhere on the dining room area was when we placed our order.  So what was she doing then?  Probably texting, but whatever it was she was doing, it wasn't her job-I can most assuredly say that.  So that falls not only on her, but also horrible management, for they train and oversee everything that goes on, (at least ideally.)

Anyway, when the waitress finally brought the food over, she looked extremely guilty and tried to make a clean getaway, without asking how anything was, or if we needed drinks (she knew how horrific she was.)  It was kind of like watching someone bump into another car in a parking lot, and then look around to see if anyone saw, before peeling away.. Except in this particular instance, (metaphorically speaking) she didn't even look for witnesses, instead she gunned it full speed and hit another car even harder.

What happened next was our "food" got set down, and just by looking you could tell that it had been sitting for a good twenty minutes.  Besides the food having been cooled down, my best buddies pancakes were completely uncooked on the underside (they tried to hide it) and my brother's bestest gal still had an empty coke that should have been nursing a mild hangover.  I myself, was staring down at a frozen omelette with cold pancakes.  My buddy took one bite, threw down the fork, and went right to the front desk, saying "he isn't paying for that shit," and stormed out.  Unfortunately, in his rage to leave with an exclamation point attached to his behind, he didn't realize he had not addressed the proper employee.  The manager eventually got the message and after seeing him peer around the dining room, I waved him over, and told him how I had never once complained in my life about food service (true fact) but this was far and away the worst food experience of my life, both for service and taste-both were abysmal.

The manager was below average about attempting to rectify the colossal error, as he asked us what we wanted done about it.  I responded that the food and service was about half of what it usually was, so by that logic, half price would likely be fair, but I also stated that I ate most of my food, so I would pay full price at the same time.  He gave a measly $3 discount to each of us, and I will never be back.

As for the waitress; yes, she was young and blonde, and hopefully in the future she will be able to learn the ability to retain information and learn from mistakes, but if not, she will likely have to parlay those above average looks into a Hollywood career that involves cast members with names such as Mandingo, Jack Hammer, and Backdoor Barney.

If you are stupid enough to go into this particular Perkin's after having knowledge of this review, and seeing the collective rating on this location, then please eat for the rest of us too.

Rant on Restaurant's Like Applebees, Buffalo Wild Wings, Ruby Tuesday's, ETc.

Food Location:  Everywhere, because no matter where you go ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, THE FOOD WILL TASTE EXACTLY THE SAME!

No matter where you go; whether it be Champps, Applebees, Buffalo Barf Wings, Ruby Tuesday's, blah, blah, blah, etc. the food is probably coming from the same animal factory, and thus tastes cloned and common.

It is in the ingredients where the food differs, but I can tell what the true taste is lying beneath, and it is crap, and this Champp's is no exception.

Preparing food for these types of places is an art; in that it takes great skill to make this cloned crap taste different than from what it tastes like at a different named food establishment with the same food.

All these places are putting lipstick (ingredients) on a pig (factory farmed protein) and you are consuming it..

If you are what you eat, then what does that make you when you eat this type of food?

Yarusso Bros. Italian Restaurant - Best Meatball's of My Life!

As a disclaimer I will say that I do not consider myself a meatball aficionado.

Normally I am not a fan of meatballs in general. In fact up until about a week ago, I cannot remember a meatball that captured my taste bud's fancy. I figured the rest of my existence would be meatball free unless I politely ate them, as all I had previously ate had tasted roughly the same.

My perspective towards the meatball changed after the first heavenly bite of a Yarusso Bros. meatball.. With what tasted like nutmeg or cinnamon infused into creamy meatball with the perfect amount of flavor dispersion, I can honestly say I had to pinch my taste buds to assure them they were not dreaming as these meatballs were by far the tastiest I had ever had.

The spaghetti was average.

Pineda Taco's - Authentic Deliciousness..The Best!

1304 Robert St S. West St Paul, MN 55118

I have eaten at Pineda Taco's in West St. Paul now three times (all in the last week and a half) and each time the food has been very generous in size and taste.  If this isn't authentic Mexican, then I do not know what is.

The first time I went to Pineda, I ordered the $4.99 special-the combo burrito with chips and a drink.  Though I was pretty hungry, I struggled to finish the burrito because of it's ample size.  The taste was very "clean" and refreshing with each bite because the meat was seasoned nicely and was balanced out with the coolness of the sour cream and guacomole.  I chose the chicken in the middle (medium spiciness) and each bite was uniform in deliciousness.  For $5 and change you would be hard pressed to find a better Mexican lunch.  Since you cannot go to Chipolte any longer and get served authentic Mexican from the natives, I recommend you take your business to Pineda as I now do.

The other two times I went in I ordered the Hard Shell Taco (with medium spice chicken) and the Tostado (with hot chicken.)  The tostado was very impressive for the reason that almost an entire sliced guacomole was placed atop the shredded chicken, cheese, sour cream, onions, and beans, and this tostado is very delicious I do say with confidence-especially for only $2 and change, which is the same price as the crispy taco, which I will also say is delicious.

I will say that though the medium spice chicken is excellent, I was not impressed with the spiciest chicken or the meat, as both tasted "off;" though I did not get sick..  So maybe it was my delicate palate being unaccustomed to a new taste.. 

In the near future though, my tasty bud's will get many chances to acclimate themselves to this foreign taste, and I recommend you give your taste bud's the same opportunity.