Hagberg's Meat Market -Best Secret Around!

11325 Stillwater Blvd. N. Lake Elmo, MN 55042


Not many outside of Lake Elmo are familiar with Hagberg's.  Many fill up their gas unawares that in the back of Hagberg's lies one of the most respectable meat markets in the Twin Cities.


A family owned operation for many generations, Hagberg's has all the qualities you look for in a meat market-and then some.  To go on about all the food they make, and what they do would take forever, so I will give a rundown of some of the good stuff, and then you can figure the rest out for yourself.


Firstly, they make sandwiches to order, BIG, BIG sandwiches.  You choose your meats, cheeses, and condiments and I usually get the porketta with pepper jack cheese on a wheat bun with BBQ sauce.  The creation is my younger brothers, and it is delicious and filling.  The mix of pepper jack cheese, BBQ sauce, and their well seasoned pork on a warm, airy bun makes for a delightful combo, and a happy stomach.  There are daily specials for different sandwiches, and should you see the porketta on the day you come in, try that combo.


Besides ordering a sandwich custom made, the meat market has a plethora of options from which to choose from, including the recently added burgers they started making, which are a personal highlight for myself and friends on NFL Sundays early in the season before the snow falls.  My favorite is the Blue Cheese infused burger, but they are all good, and I will also give a shout out to the bacon/jalapeno cheese burger, and the mushroom swiss patties.


Besides the meat options, they have local foods and sauces, and the multi talented Billy Hagberg makes a magnificent homemade birdseed that is very popular with those lucky enough to have achieved flight..for those feathered friends choose his seed over all others.


You can also get pig ears for your dog to chew on, (every canine's universally favorite treat) and when you purchase something there, you can take comfort that you are supporting your local community.

Black Dog Cafe - Overrated!

308 Prince St. Paul, MN
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I usually go here for a cup of coffee before a Sunday of NFL football or before a STRIKEFORCE Event to get a little more jacked up.
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The coffee consistency is mediocre, usually ranging from above average to excellent and the service is friendly, if not a tad pretentious, but they do their best to hide it, so kudos for that.
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After seeing their Cubano sandwich rated #1 on the cover of the Pioneer Press eat section a few months ago I decided to try it myself and decide if it was still worthy of that ranking..it is not.
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Not a bad sandwich, the flavors are competitive and complement each other o.k, but it is definitely overrated if you ask me. If your sick of the same old sandwich though and don't have too picky of tastes you will likely enjoy it. Of course there is the possibility that the sandwich wasn't at its best the day I walked in, so I shall try it again and change my review if it improves.

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*Update The coffee here is just not that good.  Since I last reviewed this place I have gotten a few cups and they have all tasted like the bin they were brewed in.  Hey hippies, you can use vinegar to clean them out every once in a while.  Two of my buddies agree with me, and diss the place's coffee rather strongly.  My brother, who smokes a pack a day and has no taste buds left, thinks it is the greatest in the world, but he gets a depth charge (two shots in addition to caffeinated coffee) so his opinion on food and coffee isn't respected.  Sorry smokers, tough shit, but the fact is smoking kills everything, including your sense of taste.

Sonic - Help! I'm Oozing Trans Fat

1960 Suburban Ave St Paul, MN 55119


Terrible, terrible, fake processed, blech!

Lordy, where to start?

I once went here and asked for a vanilla shake and received a chocolate; I hate chocolate. I only went back to get the wrong flavored shake because they claimed they are using real ice cream now, and I had a buy one get one coupon. One question, if they weren't using real ice cream before than what exactly was it that they were using? Anyway, It was a Sunday, and another great football game was about to start, so I accepted my loss and slurped the chocolate malt down reluctantly. I was just as disappointed as I ever was eating a Sonic shake and here is why: everytime time I eat one of their drinks that has "whip cream" in it, I notice that the fake whip cream sticks to the roof of my mouth for the next 12 hours or so. There is nothing you can do to remove the texture, not swishing with milk, not clawing with your fingernails.. Honestly, what are they making their fake whip cream with to do that? It is truly disgusting. As far as their food goes, if you are eating fast food, and their fast food particularly, you cannot be helped anyway, your likely sweating trans fat as I type.. I myself am in recovery but ate a few items within the past year, and it was all bad. The onion rings were actually good when they first opened, but now they always taste like they spent a few hours sitting on a hot tray, and a friend that goes there every so often says they never have anything fresh anymore.

Chipolte - Delicious!

9965 Hudson Rd Woodbury, MN 55125


I love this particular Chipolte-Away more than any other in the area, besides maybe Maplewood. Let me tell you why; its the hefty portions even by Chipolte standards. Now my friend seems to think this particular Chipolte is one of the worst. What is the difference? A smile in my estimation.

You see I have this theory that these Mexican's are so accustomed to serving impolite, absent minded Woodburian's (one the worst breed of humanoids on the planet as far as driving goes-get off the phone and use a turn signal for once) that when an affable gentlemen like myself walks in with a rare smile, they tend to repay it with a generous portion of Chipolte-Away deliciousness.

So if you happen to stop by Chipolte-Away in Woodbury and you want hefty portions, just give a wink and a smile and you'll make their day better, and get a fatter burrito in the process!

Leo's Chow Mein - Best Chinese Buffet (Value)

1059 Hudson Rd. St Paul, MN


I have eaten here probably a dozen times and for $5.95 or whatever it is, the price cannot be beat, anywhere. I especially enjoy the way they cook the fried rice, the fried potato chip with something else (rodent meat?) dish and the sweet and sour chicken, which has exceptional crunch.

In case your unfamiliar with Leo's, it is not a typical "buffet", but don't be scared.. This is the way it works-you pay your buffet fee, grab your empty plate, and find an empty seat. Now instead of walking to the buffet like farm animals grazing, they have 3 or 4 servers that are constantly circling around the dining area with assorted delicious Chinese buffet items, asking you if you want an item and how much (don't be greedy hogging all my sweet and sour or fried potato chips-I am the guy in the corner glaring at you if you do). I have sampled most of what Leo's has to offer besides the items heavily laden with pork or unfamiliar looking vegetables, and all is delicious!

However, I must warn you soon-to-be Leo's customers of one potential mishap; early in the dining experience a common mistake is to fill up too much with one particular item in anticipation that said item may not come back around. Don't worry, as the servers at Leo's seem to have developed a unique horse sense as to when you want a certain item and will act accordingly. However don't abuse this privilege, as I once pretended in my mind that I like steamed cabbage to test their skills, and ended up opening a wormhole in the dining area, that swallowed up three cans of soda and a 3M employee.

Sarpino's Pizza - Consistently Inconsistent

1803 Geneva Ave N. Maplewood, MN 


In my experience, when you order from Sarpino's you never know what your going to get. Usually, for some reason, the majority of the time I have ordered a pie, the pizza has a hint of hair smell, and with the smell of hair, a hint is all you need. A taste is even worse. The combo of the two? Simply regrettable. I am not sure if someone that works there is shedding, and each time they make a pie a tuft falls into the pie, but a good majority of the time I have ordered (in the distant past, I won't anymore) I have encountered that peculiar, awful smell.

Besides that issue, there is another equally troubling problem with Sarpino's that I find happens with just about every eatery that attempts to cater to a wide variety of taste bud's.. By having a large assortment of ingredients, and trying to appeal to every conceivable customer, they stretch themselves too far out, end up losing their balance, and fall on their collective heads.

Instead of making a few items really good, with fresh ingredients, these types of places instead tend to make a large assortment of items really poorly, likely with some ingredients that haven't been touched in ages. It looks good on the menu with more options, but not so good once you actually bite into it. The old adage of martial arts comes to mind; "better to practice one kick ten thousand times, than to practice ten thousand kicks one time". I think if Sarpino's adopted that philosophy, they would be putting out a decent pie, but even considering that change in philosophy, they would still have to cook a pie for long enough, which it seems they have failed to do in the past, seemingly opting to rush them out, in the process swiping quality for quantity-a seemingly recurring theme with Sarpino's. The result is poor pizza pie, and foodies like myself vowing never to order another pie.

Muddy Waters - Pretentious to the Nth Degree

2401 Lyndale Ave S. Minneapolis, MN 


I don't know what it is about coffee shops along Lyndale, but between this place and Bob's (much more so this place), the arrogance of the barista's is so thick you can hardly breath. I went in here a few months ago, and when I ordered coffee politely, I was greeted with incredibly rude service-possibly the most arrogant and pretentious I have ever been witness to in all of my life. The lady seemed offended that I would just order a regular coffee, as if I had ruined her day. I am not sure if she was profiling me, because I wasn't wearing women's jeans down to my knees like the style seems to be nowadays with these misguided college kids, or maybe if I had a purposefully designed look of angst on my face, they would have been more accommodating to my order, but whatever the reason I will never be back, and I will recommend everyone else do the same.

The way I figure, if you make a really, really good product, then you have a right to be arrogant and soup nazi like, because the deliciousness outweighs the pretentiousness you have to suffer through...but if you put out an average to below average product like Muddy Waters does, then you might want to find some more pleasant college kids to work the counter.