Perkins Stillwater - The Worst Service of My Life.

You'll have to ignore the review below.  It was born of memory and not recent experience.  Here goes.

I went in here last Sunday with my brother, his girlfriend, and my best buddy.  We knew it would be busy, and it might take a while to get our food, so that was expected.  What wasn't expected was the saddest serving experience I have ever been witness to in all of my food life.

After we were shown to our seats, we waited the regular time to get our menu's and place our drink orders, and did receive our respective coffee's, waters, etc. in an respectable time.

However, everything went to shit after that.

When our drinks arrived, one member of our party had left to use the restroom.  I specifically told the waitress that we were ready to order, and if she could come back in 30 seconds we would order quickly..  10-15 minutes passed, and I am not making this up for dramatization.
No less than 10 minutes (and I am being generous here) passed before our waitress finally arrived again.  During the last 5 minutes of this 10-15 minute wait, I had a bad feeling, and suggested we just go to Oasis Cafe, where the pancakes aren't as good, but the service is 10x better-literally.  Hindsight being 20-20, we made a very poor decision and stayed.  As we placed out order with the errant (and very blonde) waitress, (who's all ready half filled head seemed to be elsewhere) I had the sneaking suspicion her ability to bring the food out warm would be as equally skillful as her time management skills proved to not be when she took our food order.  My instincts were spot on as anywhere from 30-60 minutes passed before our "food" finally arrived.  I say 30-60 minutes as an estimate, because at this point I had lost all sense of time due to malnutrition and thirst deprivation, as in all this time NONE of our drinks had been refilled.  It could have been a week for all I know.  In fact in all time, the waitress never even stopped by our table to ask how things are.  Rather, before our food arrived, the last time we had seen her anywhere on the dining room area was when we placed our order.  So what was she doing then?  Probably texting, but whatever it was she was doing, it wasn't her job-I can most assuredly say that.  So that falls not only on her, but also horrible management, for they train and oversee everything that goes on, (at least ideally.)

Anyway, when the waitress finally brought the food over, she looked extremely guilty and tried to make a clean getaway, without asking how anything was, or if we needed drinks (she knew how horrific she was.)  It was kind of like watching someone bump into another car in a parking lot, and then look around to see if anyone saw, before peeling away.. Except in this particular instance, (metaphorically speaking) she didn't even look for witnesses, instead she gunned it full speed and hit another car even harder.

What happened next was our "food" got set down, and just by looking you could tell that it had been sitting for a good twenty minutes.  Besides the food having been cooled down, my best buddies pancakes were completely uncooked on the underside (they tried to hide it) and my brother's bestest gal still had an empty coke that should have been nursing a mild hangover.  I myself, was staring down at a frozen omelette with cold pancakes.  My buddy took one bite, threw down the fork, and went right to the front desk, saying "he isn't paying for that shit," and stormed out.  Unfortunately, in his rage to leave with an exclamation point attached to his behind, he didn't realize he had not addressed the proper employee.  The manager eventually got the message and after seeing him peer around the dining room, I waved him over, and told him how I had never once complained in my life about food service (true fact) but this was far and away the worst food experience of my life, both for service and taste-both were abysmal.

The manager was below average about attempting to rectify the colossal error, as he asked us what we wanted done about it.  I responded that the food and service was about half of what it usually was, so by that logic, half price would likely be fair, but I also stated that I ate most of my food, so I would pay full price at the same time.  He gave a measly $3 discount to each of us, and I will never be back.

As for the waitress; yes, she was young and blonde, and hopefully in the future she will be able to learn the ability to retain information and learn from mistakes, but if not, she will likely have to parlay those above average looks into a Hollywood career that involves cast members with names such as Mandingo, Jack Hammer, and Backdoor Barney.

If you are stupid enough to go into this particular Perkin's after having knowledge of this review, and seeing the collective rating on this location, then please eat for the rest of us too.

Rant on Restaurant's Like Applebees, Buffalo Wild Wings, Ruby Tuesday's, ETc.

Food Location:  Everywhere, because no matter where you go ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, THE FOOD WILL TASTE EXACTLY THE SAME!

No matter where you go; whether it be Champps, Applebees, Buffalo Barf Wings, Ruby Tuesday's, blah, blah, blah, etc. the food is probably coming from the same animal factory, and thus tastes cloned and common.

It is in the ingredients where the food differs, but I can tell what the true taste is lying beneath, and it is crap, and this Champp's is no exception.

Preparing food for these types of places is an art; in that it takes great skill to make this cloned crap taste different than from what it tastes like at a different named food establishment with the same food.

All these places are putting lipstick (ingredients) on a pig (factory farmed protein) and you are consuming it..

If you are what you eat, then what does that make you when you eat this type of food?

Yarusso Bros. Italian Restaurant - Best Meatball's of My Life!

As a disclaimer I will say that I do not consider myself a meatball aficionado.

Normally I am not a fan of meatballs in general. In fact up until about a week ago, I cannot remember a meatball that captured my taste bud's fancy. I figured the rest of my existence would be meatball free unless I politely ate them, as all I had previously ate had tasted roughly the same.

My perspective towards the meatball changed after the first heavenly bite of a Yarusso Bros. meatball.. With what tasted like nutmeg or cinnamon infused into creamy meatball with the perfect amount of flavor dispersion, I can honestly say I had to pinch my taste buds to assure them they were not dreaming as these meatballs were by far the tastiest I had ever had.

The spaghetti was average.

Pineda Taco's - Authentic Deliciousness..The Best!

1304 Robert St S. West St Paul, MN 55118

I have eaten at Pineda Taco's in West St. Paul now three times (all in the last week and a half) and each time the food has been very generous in size and taste.  If this isn't authentic Mexican, then I do not know what is.

The first time I went to Pineda, I ordered the $4.99 special-the combo burrito with chips and a drink.  Though I was pretty hungry, I struggled to finish the burrito because of it's ample size.  The taste was very "clean" and refreshing with each bite because the meat was seasoned nicely and was balanced out with the coolness of the sour cream and guacomole.  I chose the chicken in the middle (medium spiciness) and each bite was uniform in deliciousness.  For $5 and change you would be hard pressed to find a better Mexican lunch.  Since you cannot go to Chipolte any longer and get served authentic Mexican from the natives, I recommend you take your business to Pineda as I now do.

The other two times I went in I ordered the Hard Shell Taco (with medium spice chicken) and the Tostado (with hot chicken.)  The tostado was very impressive for the reason that almost an entire sliced guacomole was placed atop the shredded chicken, cheese, sour cream, onions, and beans, and this tostado is very delicious I do say with confidence-especially for only $2 and change, which is the same price as the crispy taco, which I will also say is delicious.

I will say that though the medium spice chicken is excellent, I was not impressed with the spiciest chicken or the meat, as both tasted "off;" though I did not get sick..  So maybe it was my delicate palate being unaccustomed to a new taste.. 

In the near future though, my tasty bud's will get many chances to acclimate themselves to this foreign taste, and I recommend you give your taste bud's the same opportunity.

Las Margaritas-Good..But Garibaldi is Better!

7750 Harkness Ave S. Cottage Grove, MN 55016


I went here with a few friends last Friday after hearing great things, (both from friends and reviews and ratings on Urbanspoon) and in all honesty I was not that impressed.  When great expectations are assumed though, often disappointment is sure to follow.  


It is not that the food or service was bad, in fact both were good, but neither was exceptional..  I judge every Mexican place using Plaza Garibaldi as the barometer, and this place fell short of the Garibaldi standard for three reasons; #1-the food tastes about exactly the same (except Las Margaritas has much better seasoned and tasty rice,) #2-the price of that same tasting food is $2 more than at Garibaldi, and last but not least #3-they only have the salsa dip, unlike Plaza Garibaldi, which has the cream colored deliciousness dip.  


So I ordered the same combo as I do at Garibaldi (you'll have to read that review to find out what) and it tasted about the exact same, and the portion sizes were about the same if not slightly smaller than Garibaldi, but Las Margaritas rice is much., much better.  I sampled the much hyped fajitas from friends plates and they were very unimpressive.


Also they REALLY need to remodel the bathroom area-looks more like a boxing gym bathroom entrance (complete with communal washing station) than one that should be in a restaurant.

Swede Hollow Cafe - Good Coffee!

725 7th St E. St Paul, MN 55106


I have had the coffee here a few times and it is really good, though not as great as Black Sheep (obviously) or Sati.  For some reason though, every time I drive by to get a coffee the place is closed.  How about some regular hours?

Wong's Kitchen - Delicious..and Jumbo Portion Sizes!

214 13th Ave. S. South St. Paul, MN 55075

I went here for lunch twice now, and for 7-8$ you cannot beat the combination of deliciousness and quantity.  If you are very hungry and you want to filleth your stomach until it floweth with deliciousness, then you may want to waddle down to Wong's Kitchen!  For that price you can get a lunch special on a variety of standard items that are staples of the Chinese Kitchen, and also included is a heaping pile of fried or steamed rice, and 3 Cream Cheese Wonton's (or a choice of the other appetizers) with the perfect amount of dipping sauce.  Everything is freshly made on the spot and is very generous for both it's taste and size-I can not stress this enough!  Both times I went in I chatted with regulars who had been going for years.  As we awaited our fresh meals they told of it's greatness.  Great things do come in small packages, (enough about my manhood) Wong's Kitchen is surely proof of this.

Both times I entered this tiny establishment I ordered the sweet and sour chicken for lunch (testing for consistency mind you,) and both times it was exactly the same-excellent in taste and gargantuan in portion!  When I went in to Wong's the first time, I was starving (and I have a big appetite as it is) so I didn't expect that my stomach would be fulleth no matter how much I ordered..  Astonishingly, I was wrong and I struggled to finish all of the food.  Near the end I found my taste buds wanted more than my stomach would allow..  As I struggled with the cream cheese wanton's nearing the finish line of the Wong 500, my stomach contorted and begged for mercy, but my taste bud's would have none of it and inspired both to the finish.