Rusty Taco's - Uniquely Grand!

508 Lexington Pkwy S St Paul, MN 55105

Excellent Taco's!

I have been hearing great things about "Rusty Taco" so I finally had to try it for myself. I can now confirm the deliciousness! I tried two taco's-"The Rusty", and another which I forget the name-but it had shredded pork or beef and both were exquisite.

The thing I liked about "Rusty Taco" taco's was the unique flavors that created an orgasm of deliciousness within the confines of my tasty bud's. All the flavor's worked quite well together, and the result was a uniquely grand taste that is different than most any other taco I have had in a delicious way. The pineapple in the rusty taco perfectly complimented all the other flavors. Went with a friend that loved it as well.

One other GREAT thing about "Rusty Taco?" ALL the taco's are $2.50 and unless your a fat slob, two tacos are enough to fill you up!

The only drawback? The guacamole is absolute shit-the pureed kind that comes out of a plastic bag I got the feel, not a 1/10 as good as Chipolte guacamole. So they really, really need to make fresh guacamole or just stop making the stuff they have now all together, because it shames an otherwise great experience.

Cheeky Monkey - You'll Go Banana's!

525 Selby Ave. St Paul, MN 55102

I have been meaning to try this place for years-finally went and tried it yesterday.

I ordered a coffee, the cubano, and a chocolate chip cookie for dessert. I sampled the veggie sandwich from my friend; my Bro had the meatloaf sandwich-and the four of us all really enjoyed the food.

We arrived at around 4:45 so it wasn't too busy, but started to get filled as we waited for our sandwiches to arrive, which didn't take long at all. When they arrived they were uniformly cooked, and delicious. Nothing exceptional, but really good, and the price was right ($8 without tax.) I love the ambiance of the place and the cleanliness of the space as well as the outside surrounding it. Great energy!

For $6-8 you get to choose a sandwich, and before I went to check this place out, I saw a negative review from some slob complaining that there are no side orders to go along with the sandwich. Well, I am 6' 3'' and 190 pounds and had worked out earlier so I was hungry, and I was overly full after eating the Cubano..so there is plenty of food within the sandwich, and if you are one that is still hungry after eating one of Cheeky Monkey's, you are probably overweight, and need to be eating less-not more.

I also loved the free glass vats of iced cucumber water and lemon water. I never order soda, so that was a nice idea, that stuck with me.

Los Ocampo - Best Sandwich EVER!

1751 Suburban Ave. St. Paul, MN

I had the best sandwich I have ever eaten in my life at Los Ocampo. I ate it over a month ago, and have not been able to put into words how delicious this particular item of food was. It was so good, I haven't got it since-afraid that the taste will never be replicated in my, or any other's lifetime. Such a strange sandwich concoction, yet so unbelievably good, it was the first time I had attempted to procreate with a sandwich-(a case of the Costanza's.)

My friends ordered the Fajita's for their meal, and when my sandwich arrived, they admitted their jealousy that they had not ordered the same thing, after it was set down. So many flavors within one sandwich, I had suspicions whether all of the tastes would conspire to out taste each other, yet the opposite happened..Each flavor worked in unison to the best of their own ability to create an orgasmic gang bang of deliciousness in my taste bud's. There was the buttered carrots, barely making their presence known, there was the perfectly ripe avocado sliced lengthwise, reminding me of its presence in the littlest way with each bite, and...well don't get me started on the Cuban Ham or all of the other great food potions that made up this magical sandwich, because I haven't the words.

Well I got three actually: Hawaiian Mexican Sandwich.

Tea House - Excellent!

1676 Suburban Ave. St Paul, MN 55106

I went to the Tea House after hearing great things from friends and Urbanspoon reviews, and was immediately taken in by the pleasant Eastern ambiance when I walked in the doors.

I tried a few different items off of the menu, including the sesame chicken (crisped to perfection) and some pan fried noodles with garlic and something (two weeks ago) along with the cream cheese wonton's. The cook must be O.C.D. because every piece of food had the perfect crispness to it, and I am one that is a crisp snob-there has to be jsut the right amount of crisp-too much and it is burnt, too little and slightly soggy. All my chicken pieces were as golden browned perfection as I have ever eaten.

I will say if your one that is offended by a non-social server, you might take offence at the hospitality as the service was a little frigid.. It was not impolite though, just not a hint of warmth in the server's mannerisms. Though the service was not lacking or lazy, so no complaints here!

The price is about $2-4 more than your typical Chinese eatery, but the food is twice as good so it is worth it!

Maria's Cafe..Superb African Burger and Huevos Rancheros!

1113 E Franklin Ave. Minneapolis, MN 55404

I ate here often when I was working construction across the street on "Roger Beck Florist," which is an amazing building you must walk across the street and check out after your delicious meal at Maria's..
The first time I had an "South African Burger," was at Maria's and I haven't had a better one since. The South African Burger is normal burger patty with cheese, bacon, BBQ sauce and a pineapple ring and it is my favorite burger of all time..easily, and Maria's makes a mean one.
Elsewhere, most call it a Hawaiian burger, but the first time I had ever heard of one was after eating it at Maria's so I am very thankful for that experience.
Besides that burger I have tried a number of other items and it has all been really, really good. Everyone that I have ever eaten there with has raved about it, and if you dine there you will be hearing similar praise as you eat.
It is always packed, but there is a reason!

Where oh Where have you gone My Dear Schlotzsky's?

Oh, the days of ole (1999) when I would pass by Schlotzsky's Deli in Woodbury and order myself a super sized sandwich packed with deliciousness of epic proportions.

With each bite, my heart would flutter, my legs would quiver, and my taste bud's would fly towards the heavens..This was the feeling a Schlotzsky's Deli Sandwich would evoke with each bite..  Such a proprietary taste I guess is not for everyone, and she soon closed down, as did a little piece of my taste bud's heart..

Absence indeed makes the heart grow fonder; a Schlotzsky's Deli Sandwich is surely proof of that..

Well meet again, I know we will.

The Bungalow - Like Food Poisoning?

1151 Rivercrest Rd. N. Lakeland, MN

I haven't gone to "The Bung" (what it should be renamed) for many years, and there is a legitimate reason why..

The last time I went there was a few years when back I ordered a grilled chicken salad; as did my older brother.  We were the only two in a table of about twelve people that ordered the grilled chicken salad, and also the only two that got violently ill for the next two days.  So you do the common sense math.

Shortly after we had gotten sick, we cataloged our food consumption for the previous day to see if we had eaten anything similar besides the grilled chicken salad and we had not, so it was pretty easy to narrow down the culprit.

Let me say I have had food poisoning a few other times in my life, but only two are indelibly etched in my stomach and taste bud's traumatic memory bank..  Once from a single McDonald's hamburger in 8th grade that turned my face green, and another from a "grilled" (I don't think the meat was ever cooked in hindsight) chicken salad from "The Bung."

Unfortunately, I remember that fateful day at "The Bung" many years ago as if it were yesterday and I will retell the story despite my traumatized tasty bud's plea to forget it ever happened..

The extended family was in from out of town, and we had gathered at "The Bungalow," (as it was respectably known at that point in time.)  We had a large table and the place was bustling.  The familiar clink of wine glasses was heard every few seconds, the bar was talkative and happy, and the staff were attentive.  The ambiance was fine, as was the waft of food that passed by every now and then from a plate of food that was hurriedly brought to a nearby table.  After we had chatted and ordered some drinks, we placed our food order.  I don't remember the circumstances, but for some reason I ordered the grilled chicken salad; as did my brother.  We waited the requisite time for the food to arrive and when it did I hungrily dug into my plate, but.. I immediately noticed with the first bite of the chicken that it was colder than it ought to have been.  Being a gullible eater, I assumed that the chicken had all ready been cooked, and maybe it was refrigerated after the fact just for the salad..  But at the same time I hoped that the chicken would have been freshly cooked to order and then put on the salad.  In hindsight, I stupidly trusted that they were practicing responsible food safety practices in the kitchen, and ignored my paranoid instincts.  I ate only a few bites of this chicken, (as it was not tasty at all-or warm,) and then pushed the rest of the cool chicken off to the side, and ate all of the greens, ignoring the bland chicken on the side of the plate.  Looking back, had I ate all that chicken I would probably have been in a coma.  At least if I go by the logic that if I only ate half the chicken and felt half dead, then surely if I had ate all of it, I would have been fully dead; or at least close to it.

As I remember, my brother ate most of his chicken on his plate, (if not all) and he was sick for a few more hours than myself, if not a full day.  But keep in mind he is jokingly known for having the stomach of a billy goat, and could probably drink water from a Tanzanian feet washing puddle and not get sick.  In fact just two months ago, up at the Gorka cabin, he was eating slabs of raw caribou meat because he couldn't wait for the fondue pot to heat it properly, (or maybe he can't tell the difference between raw and cooked meat.)  Whatever the case, the fact that he got violently sick and was crying for Mama is a testament to how bad the food poisoning was.

I won't go through the horrific details of what we both experienced during those many painful hours that followed shortly after eating at "The Bung," but if you were take all the worst stories of food poisoning you have ever heard or suffered yourself and multiplied that by 12 pieces of salmonella chicken you may have an idea of the agonizing pain we suffered through.

I had forgotten all about "The Bung," for a few years now, assuming it had been shut down, but after driving by it last Sunday with a few friends, one mentioned how sick he had gotten from eating there, and we went into a mutual discussion of how disgusting the place is.  He went on to say that he knows many that have gotten sick there as well.

If your one of them, speak up.

Perkins Stillwater - The Worst Service of My Life.

You'll have to ignore the review below.  It was born of memory and not recent experience.  Here goes.

I went in here last Sunday with my brother, his girlfriend, and my best buddy.  We knew it would be busy, and it might take a while to get our food, so that was expected.  What wasn't expected was the saddest serving experience I have ever been witness to in all of my food life.

After we were shown to our seats, we waited the regular time to get our menu's and place our drink orders, and did receive our respective coffee's, waters, etc. in an respectable time.

However, everything went to shit after that.

When our drinks arrived, one member of our party had left to use the restroom.  I specifically told the waitress that we were ready to order, and if she could come back in 30 seconds we would order quickly..  10-15 minutes passed, and I am not making this up for dramatization.
No less than 10 minutes (and I am being generous here) passed before our waitress finally arrived again.  During the last 5 minutes of this 10-15 minute wait, I had a bad feeling, and suggested we just go to Oasis Cafe, where the pancakes aren't as good, but the service is 10x better-literally.  Hindsight being 20-20, we made a very poor decision and stayed.  As we placed out order with the errant (and very blonde) waitress, (who's all ready half filled head seemed to be elsewhere) I had the sneaking suspicion her ability to bring the food out warm would be as equally skillful as her time management skills proved to not be when she took our food order.  My instincts were spot on as anywhere from 30-60 minutes passed before our "food" finally arrived.  I say 30-60 minutes as an estimate, because at this point I had lost all sense of time due to malnutrition and thirst deprivation, as in all this time NONE of our drinks had been refilled.  It could have been a week for all I know.  In fact in all time, the waitress never even stopped by our table to ask how things are.  Rather, before our food arrived, the last time we had seen her anywhere on the dining room area was when we placed our order.  So what was she doing then?  Probably texting, but whatever it was she was doing, it wasn't her job-I can most assuredly say that.  So that falls not only on her, but also horrible management, for they train and oversee everything that goes on, (at least ideally.)

Anyway, when the waitress finally brought the food over, she looked extremely guilty and tried to make a clean getaway, without asking how anything was, or if we needed drinks (she knew how horrific she was.)  It was kind of like watching someone bump into another car in a parking lot, and then look around to see if anyone saw, before peeling away.. Except in this particular instance, (metaphorically speaking) she didn't even look for witnesses, instead she gunned it full speed and hit another car even harder.

What happened next was our "food" got set down, and just by looking you could tell that it had been sitting for a good twenty minutes.  Besides the food having been cooled down, my best buddies pancakes were completely uncooked on the underside (they tried to hide it) and my brother's bestest gal still had an empty coke that should have been nursing a mild hangover.  I myself, was staring down at a frozen omelette with cold pancakes.  My buddy took one bite, threw down the fork, and went right to the front desk, saying "he isn't paying for that shit," and stormed out.  Unfortunately, in his rage to leave with an exclamation point attached to his behind, he didn't realize he had not addressed the proper employee.  The manager eventually got the message and after seeing him peer around the dining room, I waved him over, and told him how I had never once complained in my life about food service (true fact) but this was far and away the worst food experience of my life, both for service and taste-both were abysmal.

The manager was below average about attempting to rectify the colossal error, as he asked us what we wanted done about it.  I responded that the food and service was about half of what it usually was, so by that logic, half price would likely be fair, but I also stated that I ate most of my food, so I would pay full price at the same time.  He gave a measly $3 discount to each of us, and I will never be back.

As for the waitress; yes, she was young and blonde, and hopefully in the future she will be able to learn the ability to retain information and learn from mistakes, but if not, she will likely have to parlay those above average looks into a Hollywood career that involves cast members with names such as Mandingo, Jack Hammer, and Backdoor Barney.

If you are stupid enough to go into this particular Perkin's after having knowledge of this review, and seeing the collective rating on this location, then please eat for the rest of us too.

Rant on Restaurant's Like Applebees, Buffalo Wild Wings, Ruby Tuesday's, ETc.

Food Location:  Everywhere, because no matter where you go ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, THE FOOD WILL TASTE EXACTLY THE SAME!

No matter where you go; whether it be Champps, Applebees, Buffalo Barf Wings, Ruby Tuesday's, blah, blah, blah, etc. the food is probably coming from the same animal factory, and thus tastes cloned and common.

It is in the ingredients where the food differs, but I can tell what the true taste is lying beneath, and it is crap, and this Champp's is no exception.

Preparing food for these types of places is an art; in that it takes great skill to make this cloned crap taste different than from what it tastes like at a different named food establishment with the same food.

All these places are putting lipstick (ingredients) on a pig (factory farmed protein) and you are consuming it..

If you are what you eat, then what does that make you when you eat this type of food?

Yarusso Bros. Italian Restaurant - Best Meatball's of My Life!

As a disclaimer I will say that I do not consider myself a meatball aficionado.

Normally I am not a fan of meatballs in general. In fact up until about a week ago, I cannot remember a meatball that captured my taste bud's fancy. I figured the rest of my existence would be meatball free unless I politely ate them, as all I had previously ate had tasted roughly the same.

My perspective towards the meatball changed after the first heavenly bite of a Yarusso Bros. meatball.. With what tasted like nutmeg or cinnamon infused into creamy meatball with the perfect amount of flavor dispersion, I can honestly say I had to pinch my taste buds to assure them they were not dreaming as these meatballs were by far the tastiest I had ever had.

The spaghetti was average.

Pineda Taco's - Authentic Deliciousness..The Best!

1304 Robert St S. West St Paul, MN 55118

I have eaten at Pineda Taco's in West St. Paul now three times (all in the last week and a half) and each time the food has been very generous in size and taste.  If this isn't authentic Mexican, then I do not know what is.

The first time I went to Pineda, I ordered the $4.99 special-the combo burrito with chips and a drink.  Though I was pretty hungry, I struggled to finish the burrito because of it's ample size.  The taste was very "clean" and refreshing with each bite because the meat was seasoned nicely and was balanced out with the coolness of the sour cream and guacomole.  I chose the chicken in the middle (medium spiciness) and each bite was uniform in deliciousness.  For $5 and change you would be hard pressed to find a better Mexican lunch.  Since you cannot go to Chipolte any longer and get served authentic Mexican from the natives, I recommend you take your business to Pineda as I now do.

The other two times I went in I ordered the Hard Shell Taco (with medium spice chicken) and the Tostado (with hot chicken.)  The tostado was very impressive for the reason that almost an entire sliced guacomole was placed atop the shredded chicken, cheese, sour cream, onions, and beans, and this tostado is very delicious I do say with confidence-especially for only $2 and change, which is the same price as the crispy taco, which I will also say is delicious.

I will say that though the medium spice chicken is excellent, I was not impressed with the spiciest chicken or the meat, as both tasted "off;" though I did not get sick..  So maybe it was my delicate palate being unaccustomed to a new taste.. 

In the near future though, my tasty bud's will get many chances to acclimate themselves to this foreign taste, and I recommend you give your taste bud's the same opportunity.

Las Margaritas-Good..But Garibaldi is Better!

7750 Harkness Ave S. Cottage Grove, MN 55016


I went here with a few friends last Friday after hearing great things, (both from friends and reviews and ratings on Urbanspoon) and in all honesty I was not that impressed.  When great expectations are assumed though, often disappointment is sure to follow.  


It is not that the food or service was bad, in fact both were good, but neither was exceptional..  I judge every Mexican place using Plaza Garibaldi as the barometer, and this place fell short of the Garibaldi standard for three reasons; #1-the food tastes about exactly the same (except Las Margaritas has much better seasoned and tasty rice,) #2-the price of that same tasting food is $2 more than at Garibaldi, and last but not least #3-they only have the salsa dip, unlike Plaza Garibaldi, which has the cream colored deliciousness dip.  


So I ordered the same combo as I do at Garibaldi (you'll have to read that review to find out what) and it tasted about the exact same, and the portion sizes were about the same if not slightly smaller than Garibaldi, but Las Margaritas rice is much., much better.  I sampled the much hyped fajitas from friends plates and they were very unimpressive.


Also they REALLY need to remodel the bathroom area-looks more like a boxing gym bathroom entrance (complete with communal washing station) than one that should be in a restaurant.

Swede Hollow Cafe - Good Coffee!

725 7th St E. St Paul, MN 55106


I have had the coffee here a few times and it is really good, though not as great as Black Sheep (obviously) or Sati.  For some reason though, every time I drive by to get a coffee the place is closed.  How about some regular hours?

Wong's Kitchen - Delicious..and Jumbo Portion Sizes!

214 13th Ave. S. South St. Paul, MN 55075

I went here for lunch twice now, and for 7-8$ you cannot beat the combination of deliciousness and quantity.  If you are very hungry and you want to filleth your stomach until it floweth with deliciousness, then you may want to waddle down to Wong's Kitchen!  For that price you can get a lunch special on a variety of standard items that are staples of the Chinese Kitchen, and also included is a heaping pile of fried or steamed rice, and 3 Cream Cheese Wonton's (or a choice of the other appetizers) with the perfect amount of dipping sauce.  Everything is freshly made on the spot and is very generous for both it's taste and size-I can not stress this enough!  Both times I went in I chatted with regulars who had been going for years.  As we awaited our fresh meals they told of it's greatness.  Great things do come in small packages, (enough about my manhood) Wong's Kitchen is surely proof of this.

Both times I entered this tiny establishment I ordered the sweet and sour chicken for lunch (testing for consistency mind you,) and both times it was exactly the same-excellent in taste and gargantuan in portion!  When I went in to Wong's the first time, I was starving (and I have a big appetite as it is) so I didn't expect that my stomach would be fulleth no matter how much I ordered..  Astonishingly, I was wrong and I struggled to finish all of the food.  Near the end I found my taste buds wanted more than my stomach would allow..  As I struggled with the cream cheese wanton's nearing the finish line of the Wong 500, my stomach contorted and begged for mercy, but my taste bud's would have none of it and inspired both to the finish.

Black Sheep Coffee Cafe

705 Southview Blvd. South St Paul, MN 55075


So I strolled in here today to sample a cup of Black Sheep's coffee, and I had no expectations, either high or low, about how it might taste.  


I ordered a 12 oz. cup of one of the brewed coffees, and waited a few minutes while the barista ran to and fro making other drinks with great purpose.  No movement seemed to be wasted except that which contributed to making a memorable cup of coffee.  When my cup arrived, just by the aroma, I could tell immediately it would be a memorable one-call it my taste bud's instinct's.  As soon as I took the first tester sip, I knew it was among the finest I had ever had.  I just cannot believe that the cup I tasted wasn't freshly made on the spot, because it is probably the finest cup of coffee I have ever had.  


Usually I add a tiny bit of cream and honey into my coffee, but the aroma from this particular cup drew my attention before I could make it to the cream/assorted sugar stand, and before I knew it I was sitting down in one of the many plush, accommodating, leather chairs that surrounded the fireplace, with a rare black coffee that's taste stood alone.  Sitting by the fireplace was an apt location to sit, as though the fireplace was turned off, my giddy taste buds were afire.  Bruce Lee once remarked, "love is friendship afire."  At that moment, the quote made perfect sense, because I had fallen in love with this cup like no other.  


While I am on the subject of comfortable sitting places, might I add the ambiance in this coffee shop truly is unique and makes you feel as if your entering a different world or time period, though I cannot quite place the era.  The paint color combination is well done, and gives the feeling of a North Shore or seaside eatery, circa a better time.


I have said in other reviews that two other places have the best coffee I have ever tasted, (and at the time they were) but the cup I had today was the best of my life, and that is not a title I bestow upon a cup of coffee lightly. 


 If you're in the area, you must try it.

Hagberg's Meat Market -Best Secret Around!

11325 Stillwater Blvd. N. Lake Elmo, MN 55042


Not many outside of Lake Elmo are familiar with Hagberg's.  Many fill up their gas unawares that in the back of Hagberg's lies one of the most respectable meat markets in the Twin Cities.


A family owned operation for many generations, Hagberg's has all the qualities you look for in a meat market-and then some.  To go on about all the food they make, and what they do would take forever, so I will give a rundown of some of the good stuff, and then you can figure the rest out for yourself.


Firstly, they make sandwiches to order, BIG, BIG sandwiches.  You choose your meats, cheeses, and condiments and I usually get the porketta with pepper jack cheese on a wheat bun with BBQ sauce.  The creation is my younger brothers, and it is delicious and filling.  The mix of pepper jack cheese, BBQ sauce, and their well seasoned pork on a warm, airy bun makes for a delightful combo, and a happy stomach.  There are daily specials for different sandwiches, and should you see the porketta on the day you come in, try that combo.


Besides ordering a sandwich custom made, the meat market has a plethora of options from which to choose from, including the recently added burgers they started making, which are a personal highlight for myself and friends on NFL Sundays early in the season before the snow falls.  My favorite is the Blue Cheese infused burger, but they are all good, and I will also give a shout out to the bacon/jalapeno cheese burger, and the mushroom swiss patties.


Besides the meat options, they have local foods and sauces, and the multi talented Billy Hagberg makes a magnificent homemade birdseed that is very popular with those lucky enough to have achieved flight..for those feathered friends choose his seed over all others.


You can also get pig ears for your dog to chew on, (every canine's universally favorite treat) and when you purchase something there, you can take comfort that you are supporting your local community.

Black Dog Cafe - Overrated!

308 Prince St. Paul, MN
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I usually go here for a cup of coffee before a Sunday of NFL football or before a STRIKEFORCE Event to get a little more jacked up.
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The coffee consistency is mediocre, usually ranging from above average to excellent and the service is friendly, if not a tad pretentious, but they do their best to hide it, so kudos for that.
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After seeing their Cubano sandwich rated #1 on the cover of the Pioneer Press eat section a few months ago I decided to try it myself and decide if it was still worthy of that ranking..it is not.
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Not a bad sandwich, the flavors are competitive and complement each other o.k, but it is definitely overrated if you ask me. If your sick of the same old sandwich though and don't have too picky of tastes you will likely enjoy it. Of course there is the possibility that the sandwich wasn't at its best the day I walked in, so I shall try it again and change my review if it improves.

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*Update The coffee here is just not that good.  Since I last reviewed this place I have gotten a few cups and they have all tasted like the bin they were brewed in.  Hey hippies, you can use vinegar to clean them out every once in a while.  Two of my buddies agree with me, and diss the place's coffee rather strongly.  My brother, who smokes a pack a day and has no taste buds left, thinks it is the greatest in the world, but he gets a depth charge (two shots in addition to caffeinated coffee) so his opinion on food and coffee isn't respected.  Sorry smokers, tough shit, but the fact is smoking kills everything, including your sense of taste.